Chicory reminded me that today is Blogging for LGBT Families Day. So here I am. I’m not LGBT, nor am I a parent.
But I’m a human being. Something that’s been bothering me a lot lately is what seems to be the implicit assumption that the only acceptable form of parenting is a father and a mother.
I worked as an investigator for Child Protective Services for nine months. Nine months doesn’t sound like a long time, but when you’re working 60-hour weeks and still can’t keep on top of your case load, it can feel like an eternity. During that time, I saw all kinds of families. I saw traditional nuclear families, with a father, a mother, and 2.5 children. I saw large extended families, with grandparents, parents, and children all living in the same house. I saw single-parent families, where the parents were so involved in squabbling over their differences that they could not see how they were hurting their children.
I’m glad to say that most of the cases I investigated did not involve abuse of any kind. There were false reports called in by spiteful family members or so-called friends.
But there were plenty of cases involving abuse. Try seeing a 9-year-old girl in a mental hospital because she’d been having suicidal thoughts and hallucinations, and a case folder three inches thick of the abuse and neglect that had been occurring since she was born. Or the baby whose mother may have been cooking meth in her apartment, and who was definitely using methamphetamine. Or the 3-month-old baby girl who weighed less than she did when she was born because her parents didn’t care as much for her as they did for her 2-year-old brother.
I don’t believe that a parenting relationship is inherently better than any other parenting relationship merely by virtue of the fact that there is a father and a mother present in the home. What matters far more is whether the parents are committed to the safety and wellbeing of their children. At a time when there is a severe lack of available foster homes, it is tragic to see couples rejected because they do not fit the traditionally accepted model. It is keeping those parents from providing love and care to children who desperately need it. It is keeping those children in situations that are harmful to them, because there are not enough safe places.
I read my friends’ blogs. I see the photographs of their children. I see how loved those children are, how well cared for. It matters not to those children whether their parents consist of a father and a mother, two mothers, two fathers, one father, one mother, two grandparents, or any other combination of parental figures. What matters to those children is that they know, deep down, that they are loved and wanted. That love transcends any boundaries of gender. Those children are blessed, as are their parents.
[…] *Chaucerian Girl: Parenting […]
faith, this is beautiful… thank you for taking the time to write!
i wholeheartedly agree.
Thanks for participating!
I appreciate this perspective. Thanks for putting it out there…
[…] Chaucerian Girl: I don’t believe that a parenting relationship is inherently better than any other parenting relationship merely by virtue of the fact that there is a father and a mother present in the home. What matters far more is whether the parents are committed to the safety and wellbeing of their children. At a time when there is a severe lack of available foster homes, it is tragic to see couples rejected because they do not fit the traditionally accepted model. It is keeping those parents from providing love and care to children who desperately need it. It is keeping those children in situations that are harmful to them, because there are not enough safe places. […]