This may actually be more of a temper tantrum than a whinge, and I apologise. You really don’t need to read this, not nearly as much as I need to write it and then drop it. So feel free to completely ignore this post and come back another day when I don’t need to whinge or complain or bitch or piss and moan, or whatever you want to call it.
My job is very high pressure, and I normally work a lot of overtime. I’ve been off for the last almost 3 weeks because of the surgery. I was scheduled to go back yesterday, but ended up delaying it until today due to the ice storm. That, by the way, was a smart decision–there was still enough ice that my commute was very unpleasant both this morning and this evening.
Now granted that my team has been understaffed for a very long time, hence the overtime. And granted that everyone on my team has more than enough to do, even though there are a couple of people who prefer to piddle the day away in chitchat and pm’ing their friends instead of actually, oh, I don’t know, working. So when I went out for the surgery, I did so knowing that it was not likely that a lot of my accounts would be handled in my absence. That doesn’t mean that I was thrilled when I returned this morning to find a really messy queue. That was bad enough. What really chapped my hide was having to stop trying to get caught up on my own queue to do some work for a couple of people who were NOT out on leave for surgery. One of them I quite like, and I think she’ll do an okay job once we’re fully staffed. The other is one of the ones who prefers to do anything but work, and I just wanted to bitch slap her.
I am not kidding when I tell you that I was this close to getting up and walking out the door today. My love for my job evaporated a while ago, and I’ve just been hanging on because one must work, and until I can find someone to pay me to sit around in my jammies and write and read all day, this is as good a job as any and better than many. But today was just a wretchedly bad day.
I have a new team lead, and haven’t gotten to spend enough time with her to get a feel for her yet. I think she’s a nice enough person, but so far I’m not too impressed. I was infuriated today to be pulled off my work after having been out for nearly 3 weeks to do some work to help out the people who have been there, and who didn’t do much of anything to help me while I was out of the office. Not only that, the work in my queue is still sitting there, still with my name on it, and I’m still responsible for it. I can’t work overtime right now, per doctor’s orders, so I’ve got to figure out how to stay on top of it. I wanted to talk to my team lead about it today, but I was not in control of myself and felt it wiser to say nothing at the time.
If this makes me sound like someone who doesn’t like helping other people, then I’m not giving you an accurate impression. I am normally happy to help out when help is needed. When co-workers have been out on vacation or sick, I do what I can. There was one week this past summer where I put in 73 hours in order to clean up a former co-worker’s queue while he was out on vacation. I consider myself a team player, and try to treat my co-workers with the same consideration I would appreciate receiving. My frustration was not in being asked to help out someone who needed a hand. It was that I felt that I was barely treading water, and being asked to stop treading water so that I could help out someone who was at least standing on the dock. Does that even make sense?
I was also frustrated and a bit hurt because no one on my team acknowledged my birthday. They knew before I left that my birthday was the day before I was due to return from leave. I didn’t expect a cake or anything, in view of the situation with the surgery and all, but at least a greeting would have been pleasant. I like to bake cakes or bring in treats for people’s birthdays, and I decorate their desk, and bring a card. So to have my birthday completely ignored hurt my feelings.
I’m really ready to move on to a different position, but honestly and truly, I just want out. I have got to find a way to make a living doing something that lifts me up instead of bringing me down, something that is energizing and joyful instead of enervating and depressing.