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Archive for October 19th, 2011

As a kid, I believed in the scientific method, without even knowing that’s what it was called or what it meant.

And I was also extremely curious about the world around me. (Phobia against serpents, insects, spiders, and rodents, but we’re not going there. In fact, I hope I never have to go there.)

For example, my parents taught me this little rhyme:

I eat my peas with honey; I’ve done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny, but it keeps them on the knife.

Well, let me tell you: (a) it definitely makes the peas taste funny. In fact, they tasted downright disgusting. (b) It absolutely does NOT keep them on the knife. And that’s all I’m saying about that one.

So when they started running those commercials where the kid goes up to an owl and asks how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop and the owl licks it twice, then crunches it, and says “Three”, I decided I wanted to find out for reals.  I armed myself with a tootsie pop, some paper, and a pencil, and I made a tick mark for every lick I took. I noted how many licks it took to get the center exposed in the first little spot, and then noted how many more it took to get the entire center exposed, with no hard candy left.

Then I sent it to the Tootsie Pop company. Bastards didn’t even write me back, and they kept running that damned commercial.

Effers.

(My substitute boss brought me some Tootsie Pops, and I’m sucking on one right now. I think they taste good, but I still get pissed off every time I think of the hours spent finding out just how many licks it did take.)

 

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