One of my cow-orkers has been nick-named Jimmy Neutron by Sarah-Bear, not because he’s a genius who can solve anything whilst simultaneously destroying everything, but because he has a big head and swirly brown hair.
Jimmy Neutron is the most negative person I have ever met in my life. You know how some people are so positive that you could gift-wrap a big box of poop and give it to them, and they’d yell, “Cool! There’s gotta be a horse around here somewhere!”? Well, Jimmy Neutron could be in a stable with a dozen prize stallions, and all he’d see is the poop.
Jehara, back when she worked at our company, gave him an amethyst to try to draw off some of the negative energy. Last winter I cleansed it with some rock salt, and after a week of having the crystal immersed in the salt, the salt was greyish black. I’ve NEVER seen a crystal react that way. It was nasty. He keeps the amethyst in his drawer, which is fine, because he’s so negative that poor amethyst doesn’t stand a chance. The last time I saw it it was dull and cloudy.
Jimmy Neutron always expects things to go wrong, and somehow they always do. And he bitches and complains and moans about everything. And when something does go wrong for him, as it inevitably does, he complains loudly and triumphantly, because he has been proved right.
The only reason (well, besides the fact that I try to be a decent human being) that I haven’t smacked the crap out of him is because my friend Jen sat right next to me, and she was kind of a buffer. We’d exchange looks when Jimmy Neutron was being worse than usual, and she’d always say something in her clear sweet voice about how much he cusses or how much she wanted to throw something at him. It usually shut him up, and made me giggle silently, and it was all good.
But Jen is no longer here. She’s 8 months pregnant and can’t stand sitting up all day anymore. So today she came, finished cleaning out her desk, and left. I’m very sad, because I like Jen a lot, and have loved working with her. That’s all totally apart from any bonding we did over the frustrations of sitting by Jimmy Neutron.
And then after lunch Jimmy Neutron was on it again. Everything that can possibly go wrong is going wrong, and he’s all triumphantly and perversely happy about it, and I just wanted to smack him silly. (Not literally.) (Not entirely.)
So I went to my boss and begged her to let me move to a different spot, and she’s kind and compassionate and Jimmy Neutron drives her batty as well, so she agreed. I’ll be far enough from him that when he’s muttering, I won’t be able to hear him. Of course, when he’s on a serious rant, or when he’s bugging Lo (by whom I’ll be sitting), I’ll still hear him, so it’s not a complete escape. But I’ll take what I can get and be happy about it.