When I was in my first year of high school, I briefly–VERY briefly–“went steady” with a bad boy. I had a thing for bad boys, and this particular bad boy was very fond of flipping the bird to the universe and bellowing F&@k the Kaiser! I had no idea what he meant by that, but I thought he was cool, and so that was cool, until I decided he was a little too bad for me and we mutually dumped each other.
So last night I woke up around 12:30 from a dream about babies. In the dream, I’d made a list of things that had to happen before Joe and I could find a surrogate mother who would carry a child for us. Each of those things happened in rapid succession (I mean as in minutes), and we were about to find a surrogate mother when I woke up. I did a brief facebook post about it, because even though most of the time I’m pretty calm about my childless state, I have days when it’s very difficult. Thinking that was the end of it, I went back to sleep and had more dreams about babies and surrogates.
I woke up feeling stressed and heart-sore. And here I have to explain something–I get e-mails from a particular publishing group about books that are available for review copies. This morning I got such an e-mail for a book explaining IVF to children who were thus conceived. I shot an e-mail to some close friends whining and complaining about it.
Then I got another e-mail; I also get e-mails with the LDS Nugget, an inspirational quotation. And wouldn’t you just know that today’s quotation was about motherhood.
And then I found out that my stepbrother and his wife are ready for another child, and are in search of a surrogate.
I feel like the universe is flipping me the bird today. I’ve been dripping tears all morning. So I’m going to emulate my 9th-grade boyfriend. F&@k the Kaiser!
UPDATED: The universe still mocks me. I got an e-mail from Us Weekly proclaiming their exclusive: Matt Damon’s wife pregnant again!