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Archive for October 24th, 2008

Today’s Twitters

  • 15:53 i need a back massage. seriously. and a nap. yeah. a nap sounds good. mmmm. nap. and how about no dogs waking me at 12:30, 2:45, and 4:30? #
  • 07:18 @saderman My younger dog does. He’s also been known to steal dirty underwear out of the hamper to cuddle with. Very odd. #

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Mute

“. . . [A]ll the while I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody even looks up.” (Titanic)

I told Izzybella last night that I so often feel like I’ve been silenced. There are plenty of things that I choose not to share with anyone. But there are many things that I do try to share, and I feel like I go unheard, or I’m not taken seriously, or someone tries to solve my problems with a “just.” You know what I mean–Need to lose weight? Just stop eating so much. Just exercise more.  Don’t have children? Just adopt. I think, next to the word whatever, just in this context is my least favourite word. I have told the just-ers that if it were that easy, I wouldn’t be fat. I would have kids. I would whatever we’re talking about. And if it were that easy, they wouldn’t have their problems.

Anyway, when I’m not heard by the people to whom I do speak, I quit trying to communicate. I quit talking. I just sit in silence and mutinously listen. And this need to be heard and understood swells within me until I think I shall burst. Many people who think they know me don’t know me at all, because they can’t or won’t or don’t listen to me.  If they won’t hear the small things I have to say, how can they hear the large things? How can I tell them the large things?

I’m not asking for sympathy or pity here, and this isn’t a feeble attempt to make anyone feel guilty. It’s a bald statement of my feelings. I think that it is better for me to express them this way than through other ways I’ve tried lately. And that’s all I have to say right now.

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