I like Lady Gaga. So when I saw some photos allegedly depicting her huge weight gain (I think she looks fabulous) and then people nastily commenting on either how she’s a fat slob or else how the fact that she’s rich and famous means that she shouldn’t have any problems or at least shouldn’t be crying to her fans about them.
Well, I am with her. I have fought with my body image for years, waging a constant battle as I ate all of my emotions and depression and everything, carrying on my body a tangible reminder of the struggles I’ve had.
And yeah, I had lap band surgery almost 2 years ago, but it didn’t automatically make me lose weight. I lost and gained just like always. The differences are that I can only eat so much at any given time, and certain foods make me throw up because they get stuck. I’ve struggled with osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia. I have a bionic knee that doesn’t always work very well. I have frequent back pain. It’s freakin’ hard to exercise because everything hurts. Joe brought my recumbent bicycle over to the apartment, and as soon as my sparty is over on Saturday, I’m going to get the incomparable Izzybella to help me bring it in from the garage. Yeah, it’s not attractive, but it’s a way I can get some low impact exercise that won’t make my back hurt more than it already does.
I try to remember that my food choices have nothing to do with whether I’m “good” or “bad”—and I put that in quotation marks because I have so frequently said “I’m bad. I ate this.” or “I’m good–I ate this or didn’t eat that.”
So tonight I’m taking care of myself. I’m sitting in the really comfy chair Joe got from Ikea today–and assembled for me. I had a good dinner (Trader Joe’s chili with a little cheese). Now I’m going to take my medicine and try to get a good night’s sleep.
As much as I love my new job–and I do–going from a straight 40-hour week to working crazy overtime whilst simultaneously learning so much I feel like my brain is melting is making me really tired.
Hi, body. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to be stressed. It’s okay to be hungry, and it’s okay to nurture yourself. Do what you can, push yourself a little bit, but don’t beat yourself up. You’re pretty cool, actually. You’ve taken care of me for quite a while, and I hope we have a good long while to go. Let’s take this journey and go from a place of joy and happiness.