Every now and again, like most people, my mouth opens and I trip over some of the most gosh-awful phrases you can imagine. And other times I’m wandering along talking to myself (hush, you know you do it too!), and then freeze, almost paralyzed, when I realize what just came out of my mouth. And I guess my mind must be in the gutter, because these episodes just cracked me up once I made sure no one was within earshot.

Last night I was at Barnes & Nobles looking for a crossword puzzle book. I’m addicted to the New York Times Sunday puzzles. They’re extremely difficult and I love them. I don’t like easy crossword puzzles. They annoy me. But I have all of the current NYT Sunday puzzles, so I picked up a different one to check it out. “This is short and little. I like ‘em big, and long, and hard.”

That just embarrassed the crap right out of me. But it gets worse.

I stopped for a malt at Sonic, because the ice cream soothes my currently perpetually sore throat. The straw they gave me was a little narrow, and I sucked and sucked and sucked, and finally some of the malt started to come through the straw. As I parked my car at the apartment, I heard myself say, “Man, I really had to suck a long time to get it up.”

:blush

And now I’m sharing it, for the sole purpose of comforting those of you who’ve ever completely unintentionally said something that could be taken in a really filthy manner. (And also because I need you to share something you’ve said, so I know I’m not alone!!!!)