How do I love thee, Elle? Let me count the ways.
I love thee so much that I went home a few hours after work and made a lemon curd that wouldn’t curd. And since it wouldn’t curd, I couldn’t use it to fill the cake. And then I thought I’d use strawberry jam, but then I remembered that you’re allergic to strawberries. So I had to use the rich buttercream to both fill and ice the cake, which meant there wasn’t enough buttercream to try the nifty decorating ideas I wanted to try. Of course, it was so hot in my kitchen that the buttercream was a little too soft to work with anyway. So when I got the cake all assembled and got a thin layer of icing on it, I had just enough buttercream left to put a row of sploochies around the top of the cake. What to do, what to do? How could I make this thing look as beautiful as it tastes? There was absolutely no more buttercream left in the bowl, and I wasn’t about to make another batch (that would have necessitated going out for more unsalted butter and I was tired). Then inspiration struck. Joe had brought home a tin of gourmet triple chocolate almonds from San Francisco. I put them in my nifty little chopper, and chopped up a few and sprinkled them on top of the cake. Wow! That looks good! I thought, thought I, and then I wondered how it would look if I pressed some onto the sides of the cake. Wow! That looks good! I thought, thought I. So I made a cute little design on the top, and then chopped the rest of the nuts and painstakingly pressed them into the sides of the cake. Then I made Joe stop playing guitar and come admire the cake, which he did. And then we put it away, and as soon as it was in the refrigerator I shrieked, “I forgot to take a picture of it!” My loving husband took it back out of the refrigerator and took some photos of it, and then put it back into the refrigerator.
And the lemon curd that wouldn’t curd? Don’t worry that it’s all lonely there in the refrigerator, sitting there with plastic wrap on its top until I throw it out. Because it’s incredibly mouthwateringly lemonliciously good, and I plan to heat it up and pour it over sliced pound cake that I BUY at the store because it’s too hot to bake any more right now. So if you want to come by on Sunday afternoon you can still taste your lemon curd that I made especially for you. And I promise that I will figure out the secret to properly curded lemon curd.
So my dearest darlingest belovedest Elle, that’s how much I love thee.
Oh, and remember how I said above that I went home a few hours after work was over? That’s another way that I can show how much I love thee. I love thee SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much that I went to the DOLLAR STORE (teehee) and bought 8 rolls of heavy duty aluminum foil (dollar store heavy duty aluminum foil is the equivalent of the good brand of regular aluminum foil). And I went to the office supply store and bought a bag of foam packing peanuts. And I went to the drugstore and bought a huge roll of toilet paper. And as soon as you left the building, I went to work.
I had some cohorts–Elvia and Diana and Rose blew up balloons. Sam lifted up your CPU so I could slide the aluminum foil underneath it. And after everything was aluminum foiled, Elvia and Diana and I put up the plastic wrap, threw in the packing peanuts, confetti, toilet paper, crepe paper streamers, and Christmas bows. ‘Cause we lurve yew.
So your computer, phone, keyboard, chair, desk, mouse pad, mouse, pen, and everything else on your desk is wrapped neatly (or not so neatly) in aluminum foil.
There are some ginormous balloons under the desk. And there are two bags’ worth of styrofoam packing peanuts all over there (’cause Elvia bought a bag, too). And there is a huge roll (well, it’s not a roll anymore) of toilet paper. Don’t worry–it’s new and unused. And four bags of confetti. And the ends of two rolls of crepe paper streamers. And a lot of Christmas bows. And anything else we could find to throw in there. (You should be glad Elvia reconsidered the spider webs, ’cause we were so gonna do that, too.)
Oh, and I also wrapped your card in aluminum foil. It’s on your desk somewhere. I haven’t wrapped your gift from me and Joe yet, but trust me….it’ll be wrapped in foil as well. And there’s one other gift for you, just from me, and it’s special and you have to open it in my office away from your team. Izzy told me what to get, and where to get it, and you’re gonna love it. Oh, and it’s wrapped in foil.
(From left to right, Jehara, Elle, and Izzy)
So, Ms. Elle, happy happy happy happy happy happy birthday!!!!!!!!!