Hear it? You know, that ominous music, like from Jaws. The music that tells you something dreadful is about to happen, and you just sit there and hope like heck you can hang on to your popcorn before the head pops out of the boat. That music.
I have to go on a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet and take Cre*tor. (Imagine that being said very rapidly and with no punctuation whatsoever, because that’s how I feel about it.) My doctor blackmails me into going in for a physical by saying he wouldn’t give me any more refills of my hormones until I had a physical. Me, without hormones? No, I don’t think so. And neither would my husband. Whenever I’m being particularly nasty or emotional, he asks if I’m taking my hormones. Yes, dear, I’m just a raging maniac sometimes.
Anyway, I need my hormones so I went for the dang physical. And yesterday I got the results of the blood work. Everything’s beautiful, blood sugar, kidneys, liver, thyroid, blood count. But my cholesterol. Oh, my, my cholesterol. Doubleplus ungood. That’s my cholesterol. Scarily high.
I’ve lost the same 70 pounds multiple times over the last decade, and I keep finding it again. Right now I’m dang close to my highest weight. And I hate dieting. And don’t tell me that “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.” I know that, but it’s still a diet. Anything where I have to weigh/measure my food, keep track of what I eat, and make recipe alterations and substitutions is a diet, even if I do it for the rest of my life. So I had pretty much decided to just forget the whole diet thing and if I’m fat, then so be it. I’m fat. But now that the doctor wants me to take this medication for 3 months and then go back for more fasting blood work, as well as following a low-fat low-cholesterol diet, well, I mean, what’s the point of taking the medication to lower the cholesterol if I’m not going to follow the dietary guidelines as well? How weird am I, anyway, that I won’t follow a diet for general health or out of vanity, but I’ll at least make the effort because of my cholesterol?
So if I’m grumpy for the next few days, you’ll know why. I’ll be in sugar & fat withdrawal.
(And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m still a Daring Baker. I only have to bake something once a month, and my office is always glad to dispose of anything anyone brings in.)