Didja notice that plural there? There are two lumps, not one. If the big one is the size of a pea, then the small one is about the size of a pin head. Not big. But there are two. And they are solid. They aren’t cysts.
The diagnostic mammogram this morning hurt like hell. The paddle was a lot smaller because the technician had to zone in on a specific area. And the lumps are back up against the wall of my chest, so it was hard to get to. And then after taking the first few films and showing them to the radiologist, she came back with the joyous news that he wanted her to take another shot with an even smaller paddle.
And then I got to go have a sonogram. Normally sonograms don’t hurt, of course, but my breast was already so tender from the mammogram that this one did. I lay on my back and watched the screen, saw the lumps there.
Then the radiologist came in to talk to me. He said that he is recommending biopsy. He doesn’t have a feel for whether it’s malignant or not, but can definitely see that there is something there that’s not a cyst.
I keep telling myself to stay calm, that everything will be okay. And I know it will be. I know that whatever happens will be okay. I know that if it is cancer, they’ve caught it while it’s small, and easily treatable. And I’ve got an incredible support system. I could not ask for better family and friends to see me through this.
But I’m still scared.